So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
