So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
