Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
