Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
