i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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