I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
wow bdsm is so cute
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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