How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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