you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
