You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
