Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
