This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
