I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
