Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Congratulations! We have a period
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
