Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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