she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
