I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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