Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you had me at cake vodka
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
