Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
