everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
