Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
