Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
