I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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