dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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