Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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