Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
