She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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