Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
