Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
