Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
