New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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