apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
