Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
