Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
