Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
