oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
