I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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