a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
