I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
