the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
