I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
