Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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