The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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