I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
