I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
