I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
