Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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