my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
