did you get engaged???
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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