It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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