Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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